« a new eco movement | Main | I don't need this »

Friday, March 23, 2007

Comments

Digger

Yup--I think most U.S. women are like that, too! We have an "okay level" that we express with our face and tone of voice...but not with words!

Guys should read your blog...then they'll understand women better.

P.S.--I'm an American female who definitely wants to travel overseas (Japan!) to teach English. I hope this doesn't happen to me....

Chris

OMG this is so true. First time I got to know a japanese girl and shes nothing but a headaches.

I ask her out for a date, she said sure we can date, then she said "but not this weekend because Im busy, not next month because Im still busy."

Ok how about if you call me? sure Ill call you next week, she never called.

She said she was gonna see me at work to thank me, thank me for what I dont know, well she never turned up. She insist that we stay friends but wont actually put any effort.

What I see is, she would tell lies and make promises just to make you feel better. Ask her a simple yes or no question and she could never answer it.

This is my first experience with a japanese girl and Im certainly dissapointed. Too many excuses, too many lies, too vague, think shes better than any other asians, nothing special, not even worth anyone time.

She is the most difficult girl I ever met in my whole life. I hope not all japanese women are like that.

This post concerns something that has been bothering me for a couple weeks. My situation is the opposite, I am a female living in Japan and I was seeing a Japanese man. I have never been interested in Japanese men, because I just assumed that there is too many cultural differences. When I met this person the differences mattered, but I overlooked them. I felt like I was inside a bubble when I was with this person. I also felt like I was touching hell. There was alot of confusion between us, as there is with any human beings, but more so because we are from two different cultures. I really felt that he wasn't giving me any clear answers and it was torture for me. One night after I had known him for about a month, we were walking out of a resturant and he says, I really want to sleep with you. So he takes me to this love motel and I am thinking I barely know this guy. Yes, I like him, but I can't do this here or now. I left him while he was talking to the front desk, trying to get a room. He sent me an email asking where are you now. But I didn't respond right away. The next morning I sent him a pointed email about what I thought, and when he didn't respond by that night I sent him another email. I asked him why he could tell me he wants to sleep with me but alot of other things he can't say how he feels. Basically, he responded that he was just an akward person and he doesn't know how to treat women. But I couldn't take the pressure anymore of wondering what he thought or what would happen, so I told him I couldn't see him anymore. I guess part of me was waiting to see how or if he would respond. Another part was dreading it if he did. And the secret part of me really missed him. And I still do. Especially after reading these posts and talking to some people I realized that most Japanese are really secretive about their feelings. I want to say something to this person, but I am not sure if I should because it was so beautiful and terrible before. He might think as I am sure one of you might say, that I am crazy. Yes, I think I am a little at times, btt I am hardly ever vague. Thank you for reading this. Any constructive advice is welcome.

angst4less

relationships are complicated simply because we approach them with out individual ideas. It seems unless you are willing to abandon what you "know" about a person, you will never learn to understand them in the slightest...which actually, is closer to reality..sorry to say.
japanese women are HOT with a capital Schwing!...as an icon. Getting to know one on an intimate level will require nerves of steel and the patience of a saint...or a strong bottle of your favorite liquor and a good book for when things go wrong. I am generalizing naturally. I am sure that there are varying degrees of this phenomenon in any culture, but I have noted the total non verbal thing that happens when you least expect it in my dealings with Nihonjin females. It can be infuriating.
to Falco..rock me amadeus!.
and to LSL...I'm sorry..but Dr Swill sucks runny green dookie from an idiot straw..the quicker someone throttles that opinionated loud-mouth-breathing hillbilly with his mamas' stink stained underpants..the better off we will all be. sorry..I may be stepping on toes with this statement..but I hate that guy and his arrogant fascist drawl. Of course that pretty much goes for all of the O-clones..I mean paint a bald spot on Rachel Ray and give her some swagger and she could replace the not-so-good doc with little fanfare and it might even keep the welfare moms from heating up pot pies and actually deciding to feed their brats something almost homemade. god I hate american television. when did we become such a vapid nation of non-thinkers?

Falco

Interesting point. Just one thing to nitpick (and I am sure no-one wants to hear): most mixed international Japanese-Foreign couples are in fact Japanese male and foreign female rather than the other way around. Moreover, the vast majority of international marriages are between Japanese grooms and foreign brides mostly from China, the Phillippines and Korea. The number of Japanese male/foreign bride marriages is more than 4-times the number of foreign male/Japanese bridge. In the comparatively small number of international marriages between foreign men and Japanese women, the most common husbands stem from China, Korea or the US.

Cheers,
F

Interesting point. Just one thing to nitpick: most mixed international Japanese-Foreign couples are in fact Japanese male and foreign female rather than the other way around. Moreover, the vast majority of international marriages are between Japanese grooms and foreign brides mostly from China, the Phillippines and Korea. The number of Japanese male/foreign bride marriages is more than 4-times the number of foreign male/Japanese bridge. In the comparatively small number of international marriages between foreign men and Japanese women, the most common husbands stem from China, Korea or the US.

Mari

Hi there
thank you for comments. Yes jack, I think all woman will be vague much or less. I think me too.

Roaf

I agree with this! I once dated a Japanese girl and she was in a bad mood for a long time and I couldn't understand why. Eventually she told me it was because I said she was "cool". She thought it had a bad meaning, like "cold" and was upset. If she'd reacted immediately, there wouldn't have been the misunderstanding!

gullevek

Not only woman are vague. A lot of japanese people are vague. Its hard, but you really have to learn to read the air I guess.

I don't know much about japanese woman thought, was together with one for some years, and I am not sure if I ever want to be with one again ...

snowfox

Sorry Off Topic.

Mari San, Are you Alright.

Japan West Coast(Local Time Sunday, March 25, 2007 at 9:42:16 AM) just experience a 7.1 Magnitude Earth Quake, understand that you are on the East side.

Long Story Longer

I agree that American women can be vague, but I think it doesnt compare with Japanese women. Even just with girl friends, its incredibly hard to know their true feelings. I made some great friends in Japan, but I do still get frustrated with the cultural expectations that are on them to not be candid with their feelings. One of my friends says, "Japanese women have to be actresses." American woman may be actresses, but we dont have to be. It all can make emotional intimacy very difficult.

Martin F

Mari, you should watch Doctor Phil, he has all the answers in the known universe. As for the rest, I believe Oprah is the one to call.

What is the name of the psychic man with the orange wig on Japanese TV, who talks about relationships a lot? And there is another one too, always dressed in blue.

I think I will watch Psychic Academy instead! ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M6f0iKlLZg

bshock

For the first few years of our relationship, my wife was very vague with me. She really seemed to expect me to read her mind. When I failed to do so, she took it as a sign that I didn't care about her.

Dealing with this was a major challenge. I would say over and over again, "When you want me to do something, just tell me. If you don't tell me, it won't happen." Eventually my wife became better at telling me what she wanted, and I became better at understanding what she wanted.

All of my married co-workers agree that they had similar early challenges with their relationships. I would suspect that Japanese and American women have this trait of vagueness in common.

jack

By "vague," I mean the frustrating conversations mentioned in the second paragraph.

macky

very nice and informative blog. I link your blog to my blogs, http://artofjpn3.blogspot.com/ and http://artofjpn2.blogspot.com/

snowfox

Dated a few Japanese Ladies. Maybe I am lucky, can see whether if they are happy or not in the relationship.


Japanese Ladies have the added Social/Peer Pressure to conform to the "Normal".

Japanese Ladies, tend to keep their composure very well, a smile may not be what its seem. Words need to analysis with a fine tooth comb. Body language studied closely.

For some, it's is a living hell, for others, it provide endless hours of fun and joy.

Some Ladies (and a few men) tend to hold their cards close to heart, Even after marriage, this tactic does not go away easily. Fear of losing, hurt. faithless and a host of other things.

manda

(I'm American) When I don't want to go out with a guy I'll make excuses too...especially if I think he's a good guy but just don't want to date him.

When I was a study abroad student in Osaka one of my female friends had a Japanese boyfriend, so it does happen although not as much as Japanese female + foreign guy. My Japanese friend and I discussed that half-Japanese men in Japan seem to want white women though :) (I dated two of them!!)

Randy

Well now as I recall, the only women that I dated that were always vague were the ones that had no serious interest in me.
(perhaps they simple wanted to keep me on hand unitl something better came along)
I eventually made a rule that if I asked someone for a date and they had some excuse not to go then I would not make them uncomfortable by asking them again.
People always find a way to do what they want to do.
Also maybe one other reason that many women are vague is that the very moment that they become serious, many men dump thme like a hot rock.
I don't think that we are going to solve this whole man woman thing here.

Sera

It seems in this case when excuses are made, the "honne" comes out. :)

jack

I have yet to date a woman who is not vague. I don't think it has anything to do with nationality.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Become a Fan